The longer you get married, the less you are, the less you are with your partner? Don’t understand why he married him at the beginning? Only when a couple does not have too many unreasonable expectations for their marriage after marriage can they fo...
The longer you get married, the less you are, the less you are with your partner? Don’t understand why he married him at the beginning? Only when a couple does not have too many unreasonable expectations for their marriage after marriage can they focus on their current marriage life and see the happiness they already possess.
Should the spiritual world of husband and wife be on the same channel?Recently, a friend has been complaining to me that her husband does not understand her spiritual world, and the spiritual worlds of the two are often not on the same channel. I asked her, "What do you think the spiritual world should be like on a channel? What do you think it attracted you the most?"
{999She said, "At least he should know what I think and what I say, he should understand me. What attracted me at the beginning was that he was very responsible and enterprising, had a good character, and was very generous to me."
"So, what about now? Are his advantages still there?" I asked.
She said, "Well, he is still like this now, working hard. As long as he is at home, I don't have to do any housework. He still sticks to me."
I said, "That's all, he has not changed at all, he is still that person, why do you have other requirements and expectations for him?" She remained silent.
Remember, no one can meet all your emotional needsIn fact, many women will do this in marriage, and will unconsciously put a lot of expectations on their partners, gradually forgetting their original intentions. Marriage life is long and shattered. Over time, many people have gradually lost their original freshness to their companions and have more emotional needs. I hope that the other party can satisfy themselves.
But, don't forget that in this world, there is no one who can meet all your emotional needs, and there is no perfect marriage that can meet all your expectations. If you entrust all your expectations to a person or a marriage relationship, you will definitely be disappointed because only you can meet all your expectations.
Mr. Wang and I have been in love for twelve years and have been married for six years. For a while, our relationship also entered the "bottleneck" period. I am a young literary woman, and I am introverted and sensitive, thoughtful and thought more.
For a while, I suddenly felt very dissatisfied with Mr. Wang, thinking that he was so uncomfortable that he did not understand the mood, did not understand romance at all, and could not speak sweetly, or even a little silly. What I am looking for is a soul mate. Is he that person? I even once wondered if he was really suitable for me.
With this mentality, I can't see his strengths at all. I was secretly agitated with myself, and I was also cold and hot to him.
I slowly remembered why I was with this person in the first place, and what did I like about him. So, these scenes appeared in my brain.
He would sit in a place and take out a bag of walnuts, watch the game, and a complete bag of walnuts, not eating any of them himself, and put them all in a cup and leave them for me to eat. During his four years in college, he accompanied me on his own almost every day. Because I like reading books, he applied for the job of a library administrator, so that I could browse group books in the library anytime every day.
In my sophomore year, I once had a fever without any reason and had a low fever for five consecutive days. He took me to the hospital for a quit every day, and he always took care of me by my side. He bought a bean stew machine, and he picked up the bean stew for me every day, and cooked me thin rice and noodles with electric pots, and delivered them to my room.
My roommates were all stunned by his meal delivery day. He is upright, kind, and aggressive. He always tolerate, supports, and sticks to me without any conditions, and always takes me to heart. I also feel relaxed and comfortable with him and can always be my true self.
Aren't these all my favourites about him? Why do I ask more and more for him? I hope he is a gentle and warm man, but I hope he is a humorous and romantic man with deep affection and deep appreciation for women. If there are more and more expectations, more and more disappointments will be. Both of them will become more and more tired and the relationship will go far.
When I stopped asking for anything and began to turn my attention to myself and work hard to develop myself, I found that I was getting better and better, and I was getting more and more aware of him. When I focus on doing what I like and fulfilling every day, I don’t have much time and energy at all, and then think about how he should treat me.
And he was still doing everything for me silently, always taking the initiative to make meals, washing dishes, mopping the floor, allowing me to spend more time writing. He often silently brought a glass of milk and a plate of fruit when I was writing, and then closed it lightly. He will also give me a surprise on the important days.
After having Baobao, he became an all-round dad. He gave Baobao a diaper, washed his butt, dressed, played with him, told stories, and coaxed him to sleep. He was familiar with him every day. As long as he is at home, I don’t have to worry about taking children. Even when we take children out, others ask: Is it because my dad takes children more at home? Because he is too familiar with the child, he always keeps busy with the child.
Although he rarely speaks sweet words, this decade has been a day-to-day concern and has achieved anything to his family's efforts.. He can give me full freedom, support me in developing the things I like, live the way I like, constantly encourage me, and use actual actions to be my strongest backing. What else am I not satisfied with?
In marriage, if you expect too much from your partner, it is easy to fall into insignificant expectations and cannot see everything your partner does at the moment. Your attention is focused on all kinds of expectations for him, and then ignore the advantages that your partner has. If you always look at him with a picky look, the more you look at him, the less you look at him. He must also feel your discomfort and wants to escape from you. This will undoubtedly destroy the secret relationship between you.
There is a concept of "more-fast" in psychology, which shows that too high expectations will have a great impact on our close relationships. The previous article mentioned the theory of interdependence. This theory assumes that each person has a different comparison standard, that is, the result value we think we should get in our interactions with others. Comparative water standards are a measure of our satisfaction with close relationships.
If the relationship results exceed your comparison standard, you will feel very happy; on the contrary, if the relationship results are lower than your comparison standard, even if the relationship results are actually quite good, and are even much better than most people, you will still be dissatisfied. In other words, even if you gain a lot of benefits from this secret relationship and your companion is enough to charm people, but if this profit does not meet your expectations, you will still not feel happy.
Some psychology researchers have followed eighty-two newlywed couples for four years and found that the happiest couples are those who have a real view of married life from the very beginning. In contrast, couples who hold unrealistic expectations are often very disappointed once the honeymoon period is over.
The study also found that happy spouses control their expectations, so their comparison is not too high. Many unfortunate marriage relationships are caused by too many unreasonable expectations. Too much expectations will lead to people's comparison level, making the marriage beautiful and difficult for people to satisfy, resulting in a low sense of happiness.
Someone may ask: Can't I have any expectations for marriage? What else does marriage mean? Of course you can have expectations for marriage, but in your life you will have more expectations for those who are close. If you decide to get married with someone, you will definitely be full of expectations for your marriage life. Suitable and reasonable expectations can promote the development of close relationships. However, you should be careful to control your expectations and not have too many unrealistic expectations. For example, your partner has only been in his three years of graduation and his annual salary is 1.5 million yuan. You are looking forward to his annual salary of 5 million yuan, so how can it be realized? Or maybe your partner is very busy at work and can make money, and you expect him to have more time with you. This is also difficult to balance, isn’t it?
As the actual situation changes continuously, you may need to constantly adjust your expectations and match your expectations with the current situation. Don’t let unreal expectations blind your eyes and ignore your partner’s advantages.
If you don’t have too many unreasonable expectations for marriage, you can focus on your current marriage life and see the happiness you already have. Your comparative standard is not too high, so your satisfaction with close relationships can always be maintained at a higher level, and your sense of happiness will be stronger.
This article records: "It's not just for quarrels to be with you: How to improve secret relations in communication"
Responsible editor: Chen Yaomei
